Misadventures of Cabbage Guy
by walikeheke
Summary: Poor guy never seems to catch a break. This chronicles his misadventures.


He was sick of his cabbages being destroyed. There's only so much that a simple merchant can take before being completely frustrated. If people would stop perforating his produces, he'd be more than happy. He had been assaulted by Team Avatar multiple times, no matter where he was. Big city or a simple Port town, somebody was there and ready to tip his cart over. He'd traveled all over the Earth Kingdom seeking sanctuary but _no_, Omashu to Ba Sing Se he was being persecuted by those who seemed to have no bigger intention than to destroy his cabbages.

"I've been serving the Earth Kingdom for _decades_," he said grumpily, piling fresh heads onto his cart. He was looking around warily, wondering when the next wayward kid would come barreling down the alley and upset the lovingly packed vegetables. The exasperated attempt of a scowl that graced his face was normal – trying to keep the troublemakers at bay. However it also kept the costumers at bay. Oh the dilemma.

Now that the world was in general a safer place, he thought he'd try to branch out a bit. He was currently in the city of Makapu, the home of the legendary Aunt Wu. It was a nice _quiet_ Earth Nation village. _I think I could make it here,_ he thinks, putting his hands on his hips proudly as he stood at a the entrance to an alley, kitty corner to where Aunt Wu's house was. He hoped that all the people going to visit the fortune teller would come and taste his amazing cabbagery of cabbage-ness.

Unfortunately for the King of Cabbage, nobody in the rotten town seemed to want any of the delectable veggie. Villager after villager passed by and nobody wanted anything! It was sad and he lamented as the cabbages seemed to wilt with the same depression he felt, becoming less crisp and more… not crisp? He lamented the loss of the firm and mighty cabbagery and waved his arm at any strange person who walked by.

"Come get your cabbages here!" he called out, to the men, women, and children. "Revel in the wholesome loveliness of fresh," even if it wasn't quite so, "Cabbages!"  
People just giggled as they walked by and his face fell. There was no hope, none at all for the luckless Cabbage Merchant.  
"I'm getting too old for this," he said, his back cracking as he got ready to relocate his stall.

"Hello, good merchant," came a wise womanly voice. His head popped up and he saw none other than Aunt Wu standing there, looking complacent. He broke out in a toothy grin. Or, it would have been toothy if he had all of his teeth. As it was, his hair was gray and he had a few holes where life had dealt him a blow straight in the kisser.  
"How do you fare?" she asked, peeking at his cart.  
"I am well. Can I interest you in a cabbage?"

His hopes of celebrity endorsement were dashed when she shook her head.  
"No, I'm sorry. I am not interested in cabbage today." His face fell and his head hung on a rickety neck. She seemed to feel bad and placed a hand on his shoulder. "If you like, I could read your fortune for you?"

His head popped up. Hope restored.

She looked at his palm, and he did a hip-jig merrily on the spot. He then started to whistle, looking at his cabbage cart. What would she say? Would his fortune be restored? Would he find retribution? Would he _finally_ get his revenge on the Avatar and have a head for every head of cabbage that had been lost? The possibilities were endless. Maybe he would find prosperity by going to Ba Sing Se! Maybe –

"You will find no joy in your occupation," she said quickly, before turning around and leaving. He was left dumbstruck. That was certainly not what he'd been expecting.  
"Wait a minute!" he shouted, starting to run after her. When he took the first few steps forward, he heard a large crash. The kind of crash he'd become disgustingly accustomed to. The kind of crash the meant the King of Cabbagery had far less cabbages than he started out with. He pivoted around, ready to yell at whatever miscreant was causing his current misery.

It was a goofy-looking man in red shoes. Red shoes. Ones that clashed horribly with the brown and green Earth Nation outfit that was similar to the ones everyone in the village wore. And there was a stupid grin on his face.  
"MY CABBAGES!" he howled, looking at the now-dirty heads rolling around the ground. "What is wrong with you, are you mad, man?"  
"It's her!" Mr. Red-shoes said, with a loopy expression. He was staring at a girl who had been holding a head of lettuce, but was now staring wide-eyed at Red-Shoes, who deigned to speak again. "You are the one! The woman I have been looking for! I knew I'd find you one day." He looked in horror as Red-shoes stepped on a fine specimen before heading over to the woman he was now in love with.

"MY CABBAGES!" he yelled again, picking them up and putting them back on the cart. A process he'd repeated far too many times to count. And to add insult to injury, the woman who was the object of Red-Shoes desire had put the cabbage she was looking at back into the cart. He was appalled and trying to nurse the bruised vegetation.  
"We're leaving this town," he said to the cabbages before muttering angrily and wheeling his cart out of the town center square.

(End Part I)


End file.
